Revisiting my dreams…

 

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So not in the, “Wow! I had the most bizarre dream about crocodiles eating ice cream cones last night!” way. More in the “Who am I again? What do I like?” kind of way.

While it doesn’t take a marital split to find your self in these shoes for certain – I know MANY women, and men for that matter, who have had this same feeling while being happily wed – I just think it’s definitely very common among those who find ourselves on our own for the first time in a long time.

I’m not sure why we have the tendency to lose ourselves in relationships. I don’t know why we stop doing the things that we love or looking at our lives outside of the bounds of a relationship. But I do know it’s not uncommon.

As I find myself revisiting my dreams, it’s very surreal.

I wanted very much to be married when the not-yet-ex and I got together. I was so glad to have someone in my life who was stable and steady. We didn’t really enjoy the same activities – short of antiquing – we both love the heck out of looking at some old stuff – but we didn’t see that mattering. And I know that for someone people it doesn’t. But it did for us.

I love to hike and ride mountain bikes. I want to canoe and kayak and camp. I also love motorcycles and fast cars and old cars.

He loves to hunt -deer and turkey mostly – and ride 4-wheelers and cigars. Oh my he loves his cigars. And he didn’t even know he liked them when we started dating.

About 2 years ago, I had the opportunity to get my hands on my dad’s 1974 Triumph TR6. The car I learned to drive in. It needed work. It had been in my brother’s yard for years.All I wanted was to clean out our garage which hasn’t been used for a car in 10 years and have a space to work on this car. I was going to figure out how to buy it later but I wanted to be able to do this thing with my 78-year-old dad.

I was met with 100 objections. We don’t have money. There’s too much stuff in there. You can’t possibly do this on your own.

It was as though you’d just deflated a hot air balloon.

Realizing that someone isn’t behind your dreams anymore leaves you in a really sad place. Hopeless might be the right word. And if you asked the not-yet-ex, I am certain he could relate similar to you. Though I felt I always supported his hunting, I don’t think it translated for him.

So 9 months ago I had the chance again to get this car. I have my own place now. No garage, but a second parking place to put it in. I spent $50 for a flatbed tow, and now it sits in front of my house.

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This weekend I pulled the gas tank out. It felt good to get my hands dirty. I have carburetors to rebuild and wiring to redo. So much of the cosmetics need work as well. It’s going to take years.

But that’s all okay. Because a few weeks ago my daughter looked at the car and said, “Mom, this is a pretty cool car. And you’re going to fix it up?” “Yes, sweet pea, I am.” “So maybe I can learn to drive in this car too? And when I am older it can be my fun car like it’s going to be yours?” “Yep, babe, I would love all of that!”

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It’s had a bath since then, but still needs lots of love!

And so the dream lives on. Mine and now hers. And that’s exciting to see.

Time to go see what other old dreams I can dust off and inch my way toward making reality.

 

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A letter to my daughter when she thinks she’s found “the one”

 

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When my kids were really small, I had journals in which I would write letters to them regularly. I recorded funny things they were saying and doing, and how I felt getting to be their mom. As they grew, and my free time lessened, I haven’t kept it up as I wish I had.

I’ve recently had a spate of friends who are ill and facing saying goodbye to young children too soon, as well as friends who’ve lost parents in an untimely fashion. It got me thinking about what I’d want my kiddos to know – and this was one of the first things I’d want to tell my kids down the road if I’m not here to say it in person.

 

Dear Sweet Pea & Future Beau-

So you guys have been dating a while – and you each think you’ve found ‘the one’ eh? He certainly seems to be considerate and kind (yes – I’m making assumptions here – if he doesn’t seem to be considerate and kind at least to my face I hope we’re not having this conversation.) And I’m fairly disposed to give you my blessing.

I’d just like to give you just a few things to chew on, while we squee and happy dance and get ready to break my bank account for as much of your dream wedding as I can give you. Check in on these things regularly – they matter – a lot.

  1. Make sure you’ve seen one another at your worst.
    Have you seen him lose his temper? Or be really depressed? Over the course of years, hopefully you have more good times than bad. But the hard times will come, rest assured, and you’d rather find out sooner than later how you each handle those situations.
  2. Be open – about everything. 
    You have to be able to talk about everything. Maybe you choose not to sometimes, but don’t marry someone that you feel you have ‘restricted’ topics with. That’s bad news. The more honest you can be with each other about all things, small and big, the better off you’ll be.
  3. Listen.
    Take the time to make sure the other person knows that you’re hearing them when they’re talking to you. Think about what they’re’s saying, and try to understand, whether it’s his golf game, her horrific haircut, work or family concerns, they’re communicating to you because it matters to them. Take it in.
  4. Don’t poor mouth one another.
    No matter how mad you are at him, try to only take it up with him. If it’s a safety concern – different ball of wax – call me and I’ll come kick him in the pants, hard. But if you’re arguing over money or intimacy or any of these other things, for heaven’s sake, don’t go run your mouth to all of your friends about him. If we’re really lucky in this life, we get one or two friends we can vent to who won’t judge on the back end, who support us no matter what. But if you’re not 1000% certain you’re speaking with that person, shut your piehole – bringing others into your marital problems is a recipe for disaster.
  5. Choose one another every day.
    This one is the hardest of all. It takes so much work. Choose one another every day. And I mean every day. Choose one another when you’d rather scream at than kiss them. Take their needs into consideration with every single choice. If you’ll each look out for one another first, you’ll never need to look after your own needs. The very best marriages I’ve seen start and continue in this manner. When you feel like you hate them, stop, breathe, DON’T open your mouth, and force yourself to remember 5 reasons why you love them. Then speak.

I love you, sweet pea, with all of my soul, and can’t wait to see what this amazing life has in store for you!

5 lessons from the barn.

So as part of being a well-rounded, doesn’t-know-how-to-have-free-time-anymore mom (as so many of us are) I work 5 nights a week at a barn, owned by one of my absolute dearest friends.

It helps cover the cost of the oldest getting to ride horses. I decided I wanted to ‘give’ her horses when she was about 4 – due to some horrible circumstances I’ll relate at a later date.

But funnily enough – it’s give me as many lessons as it’s given her I think.

We’ll do a few of these series, but here are the first 5.

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  1. Quiet time can be healing. There’s nothing like one of these deliciously silent moments – alone on 90 acres with the horses to slow you down. And it’s in those moments my true processing happens. I bet most barn/farm folks would tell you they work out more problems clearing fence, shoveling stalls or feeding than they ever could on a therapist’s couch.
  2. Everything (including and especially horses) has a mind of its own. We all have plans for our days, weeks, years, lives. And those plans frequently go awry – at the barn, if you’re not prepared for the unexpected, well – you’ll make it up as you go along – because there’s no putting off a sick horse, broken fence or busted well pump – you have contingency plans in place and you learn to roll with the other stuff and make do. Learning to be flexible at the barn and in life is huge and freeing.
  3. Loss is part of life. I understand that we all know this inherently. But I’ve said goodbye to more influential horses in the past 3 years than I have people in my life. You learn to love hard and in a timely fashion because sickness can hit hard and fast. Carry it over to your human interaction and you have a pretty good plan in place.
  4. Getting dirty is good. If you’ve mucked stalls or dumped buckets and you’re not a little dirty, well, you’re not doing it right. (And we’re probably going to gripe about the quality of your stall picking.) Get in – get dirty – dig deep – relish in it – wade through the mud – there’s satisfaction on the other side. This goes equally for paddocks and office jobs. Roll those sleeves up and get to it.
  5. The ability to laugh at yourself is mandatory. Laugh at yourself, frequently and hard. Belly laugh. Even though it hurts like the dickens, the best way to get over feeling stupid for whacking your head on a stall door in front of 5 other people is to laugh at it. Have fun as often as you can, because there is too often in this life that you just can’t.
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Ms. Rachel’s Kandyman. He’s a cutie – but watch that mouth… he’s a nibbler!  🙂

Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry

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Thanks, Purex, for the wisdom!

“To air your dirty laundry means to talk about private issues amongst others that are not involved. It originates from the fact that your dirty laundry (an analogy for dirty secrets) should be kept out of sight when people are visiting, otherwise it could be embarrassing for you or them.” Idiom Reference

Separation and divorce are hard. This is no surprise. They’re hard on so many levels and in so many ways. But I think sometimes we make it harder by the airing of the dirty laundry for all to see.

Social Media. What a sticky wicket. It’s our limited-consequence forum. People feel as though they deserve to be able to put their dinner, kid’s potty training success, workout and full details of their life circumstances out there, real-time. And I think it’s removed some of the ‘stopping and thinking’ we’d do if we had to say things to people’s faces or print it in a newspaper for others to read.

Personally, I think not ‘airing your dirty laundry’ is a key rule for the whole process. And it has to stick regardless of what the other party is doing.

I’ve been subject to less intrigue and slander than many – but I’ve had my share of phone calls that were initiated because of something the ex posted. And it’s definitely not fun.

Spending an hour explaining to a friend, who doesn’t know you’re separated, why your husband has other women posting to his page is tricky and definitely calls for a glass of wine. Then sit back and wait for it to ring again. Another call. Another Friend. “Oh look! my phone has airplane mode.” Stop the calls for the evening and breathe.

As much as you can, I think it’s so important not to respond in a nasty fashion. For your kids. For your sanity. For your conscience.

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Keep Calm!

Explain what you have to. Keep it to facts – and to the facts that you know you *should* share. You’re separated. Things haven’t worked out and you’re trying hard to keep things good for the kids/yourself/the dog. Etc.

The people who need to know the dirty details already do. Anyone who is figuring it out via social media isn’t part of your inner circle. They only need relevant facts in as dispassionate a way as you can relate them.

But let’s be clear. I am *not* suggesting that anyone should ‘doormat’ themselves. There are plenty of ways to remove yourself from the
situation – to whatever degree necessary – without being an instigator.

Unfollow, Hide, Unfriend the ex if necessary. Explain why you’re doing it in a calm fashion. At this point, I’m assuming you’ve already had a number of unsavory conversations, this may have to be another one.

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Barn whiteboard wisdom

Don’t answer phone calls from people you know are just looking for the scoop or similar, until you can talk to them from an unemotional place. Or don’t answer them at all. No better time than the present to revisit the people who are key to your life and cull the ones who don’t improve it.

Before anyone slams down on ‘living honestly’ etc. This is NOT the antithesis of that. This is being judicious. You can be honest and judicious at the same time. I can honestly say that my attitude and outlook is better than it’s been in years. I don’t have to add that it’s because I am no longer sharing space with the ex and all that entails. Save that for those who you know love you and won’t misuse it.

Be as kind as you can, without falling prey to manipulation, work with them as best you can – and remember – the junk is in the rearview. Keep moving forward as positively as you can and at least then you’ll rest well at night knowing that you’ve kept your nose clean. (Can I find just one more idiom to stick in here? Please?)

Much Love!

S

 

Passage…

 

My uncle recently passed away. He was 71 and really lived a good life. I didn’t see him enough, and it makes me sad.

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Next month marks 10 years since my mom, his sister, passed. And I’m still sad about that. Pieces of me always will be. Every single day.
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It’s been less than a year since one of the loveliest ladies I’ve had the pleasure to know passed in the surgeries that followed a tragic car accident.

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I’m following a long-time friend’s nephew who is currently in hospice. He’s not even school age and has but days left. It’s absolutely tragic and heart-wrenching.

So why share all the doom and gloom?

To make the point. The point we always make in these circumstances.

It never stops being relevant.

I’ll never forget my last walk with my mom. She was too weak to do anything but walk down to the end of the driveway and back. But we did. It was spring, and we looked at flowers and trees and talked. We took our time and savored the blooms and the fading light. Later that night we watched “The Quiet Man” – she’d not seen it. The redhead in her didn’t find it as funny as my stepdad did.

I’d give most anything for one more evening like that with her. But I am SO glad that I got the one I did.

The only way you get those moments is to show up. To take the time.

I don’t have those moments with my uncle or my friend.

My friend and I had been putting off a hiking trip for some time – weather wasn’t right, timing was bad etc. Then it was too late. And I kick myself for that regularly.

My uncle had been sick for some time. Metastatic lung cancer will do that.

I didn’t even know he was ill. First I was angry – how did I not know? How did someone not fill me in? Then I got angry at the right person – why hadn’t I stayed in touch as I should have? Why haven’t I seen him in years?

I have to own that. I’ll not get to hear one of his stories ever again. He’ll never send another lighthouse photo. And I hate it. I hate that I let this time slip by and didn’t do anything about it.

Take the time. Make the time. It doesn’t exist. Count it as ‘me’ time – because one day you’ll be willing to trade all your pedicures and quiet baths for one last walk.

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My 10 Commandments for Life

 

 

***warning*** adult language ahead – so no kiddies form this point on… go do your homework!

This is *not* intended to be sacrilegious in any way. Moses was the man – these are my personal take on what we should do – above and beyond not stealing, coveting, murdering and suchlike.

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Wine…margarita… same difference

1 –Thou shalt Drink the wine.

Or don’t.

Really – If t’s your thing, have a bit. Keep it moderate. Don’t get shit-faced around the kids. That’s never cool. Do enjoy a glass or two out with friends or the hubby or your damn self. If it’s not your thing – then have that thing you love – the cheesecake or whatever every once in a while… all the time makes for bad news. Furthermore – don’t give a shit whether or not anyone else is having the wine or cheesecake – unless they’re out of hand. Then take the keys and get them an uber.

 

2 – Thou shalt Clean the house… sometimes.

Sometimes the house needs cleaning. Family or company is coming. It hasn’t been done in 3 months and you’re pretty sure the toilet requires a hazmat suit. The kids are complaining about wading through trash. Whatever. But seriously – there are times it is way more important that you take the kids for that hike or bike ride or dinosaur-monster display insanity than it is that you mop today.

 

3 – Thou shalt not be an asshole.

Firstly, if you’re a parent, the surest way to raise an asshole is to be one. Secondly, you never freaking know what someone else is dealing with. That guy in front of you driving slow? Who the hell knows? Maybe he just got the worst news of his life and is trying to drive through the tears. Or maybe he’s just a dick – either way, if you’re not an asshole, life if happier for everyone.

 

4 – Thou shalt not give shit tonnes of unsolicited advice

Every kid is different. Every marriage, divorce, dating relationship – oh wait.. Every PERSON is different. So stop thinking that anyone else’s experience with, well, anything, will be like yours was. It won’t. Similarities, maybe. But their experience is theirs. Shut your cakehole, and listen for once. They’ll thank you for it.

 

5 – Thou shalt get off thine ass and move a bit.

That amazing metabolism will not last forever. The ass will spread. The dress size will increase. You’ve had kids and/or a desk job and/or an addiction to Supernatural that means binge watching for hours at a time – for whatever reason, it seems many of us don’t make the time for this. Do it. Don’t feel guilty about it. I can’t run a 5k without hella knee pain anymore. But I can walk it. Better yet I can get the kiddos outdoors take a hike or similar. This is self-care. It counts. Do it. There isn’t time. Find it.

 

6 – Thou shalt not envy another’s joy.

Be happy for your friends when they’re happy. It’s not your life. Maybe you think this relationship is a terrible idea – see commandment #4. Shut the hell up – be there when they’re on cloud nine and be there when you have to scrape them off the pavement. It’s freaking hard when your husband hasn’t told you that you’re attractive in 7 years and you have a screaming kid tied to your leg. Do it anyway. Escape into their joy – and hope that one day they’ll get to do the same. Speaking of family….

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The family we choose is as important as the family we’re born to!

7 – Thou shalt not cut off thy nose to spite thine face.

Unless there is something seriously heinous in your family relationships (obviously we make accomodation here for abuse and all things similar) – suck it up and restore those relationships. Yup – your brother is annoying as hell. Your sister constantly insults you. Deal with it twice a year and see them for Christmas and Easter (no one said Thanksgiving too – twice in 2 months is friggin’ ridiculous). There comes a day when you need them – when your mom passes away, you won’t want to be rehashing the fight over the family trip that time. Not to be ignored is the family you choose – love those friends like hell – see them more than twice a year and learn to forgive – because damn it – they’ll have to forgive you for that time you stole their boyfriend – ruined their dress – insulted their kid – whatever.

 

8 – Thou shalt suck it up.

Yes. In general. Stop being such a damn whiner. We all have shit. Unless someone asks, we don’t all want to hear yours any more than you want to hear ours. Save it for the spouse/bestie/therapist (blog?!) and find that stiff upper lip. (And don’t even start on the ‘you don’t understand’ thing here. Depression? Had it. Anxiety? Had It. Lost a parent? Done it. Shitty marriage? Done it. Kid illness? Done it. ) Seriously – many of your friends have been through more than you have any damn idea. Stop thinking you’re alone and find adequate support to grow.

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Try to be stoic taking this guy to have a tumor removed from him finger…. while your dear friend’s daughter has a brain tumor removed? It’s all relative.

9 – Thou shalt give back –

Volunteer. Donate. Be kind. Your theology may not agree – but I’m pretty damn sure most religions actually require that we don’t judge our fellow humans. Stop it. Not your problem. Be kind and help other people however you are able. Take the kids with you – they’ll learn something too. (See #3)

 

10 – Thou shalt forgive thyself.

While you’re at it not being so hard on others, stop being so hard on yourself. See all rules above. You deserve a little slack too. This is not an excuse to not stop driving yourself to excellence – just leeway to not kick yourself in the shins when it’s not your best day and you yelled at the kids, the guy on the road was an asshole and your friend drank all the wine – forget every day being new. Every moment is new. Start over. Right now.

 

Drink the wine. Be kind. Don’t be an asshole. Listen. Love. Cry. Suck it up. Give. Hug.

 

I didn’t work hard enough… really??

 

 

I had considered saying this nicely, but changed my mind.

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STOP telling all of us separated and divorced folks that we didn’t work hard enough, and that if we had our marriages would have thrived or at least survived.

Or love enough. Or cook enough. Or forgive enough…. Keep filling in the blanks – we’ll be here all day long.

Stop. Just stop.

Yes, marriages are hard work.

Yes, some people throw them away too easily.

However, most everyone I know who has watched their marriage discentegrate before their eyes KNOWS that they are hard work.

Chances are pretty good that they were doing a lot of work. Maybe both people were and it just wasn’t coming across. Chances are also pretty good they tried really hard to save it before throwing in the towel.

One thing I do know for certain is that you can do more damage when both parties aren’t seeing eye-to-eye for a very prolonged time than you’ll be able to repair.

If you looked at my book collection about a year ago, you’d see more self-help and marriage-help books than I can name. I’d spent positively years trying to improve myself and my marriage – my attitude, my looks, my homemaking skills – all of it. Yes, I am the child of divorce and was determined that my children wouldn’t be.

I can also personally attest to still having love for my not-yet-ex. He loves our kids and can still make me laugh.

HOWEVER- don’t you dare tell me that I should have just tried a little harder. That I didn’t communicate my needs clearly enough or otherwise. That 6 years of ‘working on it’ wasn’t enough. That because we still care about one another’s well-being we should fix it.

You. Have. No. Idea.

Until you’ve had the same deal-breaker-level problems in your marriage for YEARS – and no matter what angle you both take to attempt to address it (and you’ve tried them ALL) – it ends in yelling, accusations and resentment, don’t comment.

Until your spouse lets you know that they can’t ‘babysit’ the kids tonight because they’re busy – shut your piehole.

Until you’ve been accused ofbeing a terrible wife, husband, mother, father, friend, human, housekeeper, provider etc, sit back and breathe a bit – and stop judging the rest of us.

Not all of these things were my situation, but some of them were – and trust me, it becomes impossible to live, forget thrive, in that environment – for everyone involved. No one was happy. No one was kind. Everyone was hurt. Including, and most importantly, the kids.

One other piece of info – neither of us got married because we thought it would end in divorce.

We had the same kinds of dreams that you do. I wanted to rock on the porch with this guy with the grandkids playing in the yard. He’d take them hunting while I cooked and camped with them. We’d have a lovely old house we’d put work into that I could decorate at Christmas, and we’d take cassaroles to all the church functions to eat and socialize with all our friends. I honestly had the amibition to be married for 50 years.

But that wasn’t reality. Reality wasn’t that nice.  The reality is that through all of this he wasn’t very nice, and I wasn’t very nice either.

Reality is that when we finally walked away, we were actually able to be nice to each other again. And we were able to be the parents that we’d like to be again.

There are so many variations on this theme. And if you’d like to know why so many of us refuse to ‘prove to you’ that we did hard work, it’s because it comes out sounding like spouse bashing. And that’s not what we’re trying to do. Many of us have to work hand-in-hand with that person to raise kids. We don’t want to breed animosity, we’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime. We want to move forward and upward.

And, trust me, we’re happy for you that you were able to save your marriage. But sadly, that wasn’t the case for us, and it’s not for lack of trying.

Many times, I could honestly say that what another person is calling extra work, I call a drop in the bucket. Multiply it times 100, spread it over 6 years, have none of it help, then come have a cuppa and a chat with me.

Please don’t judge until you’ve worn the shoes. And for the record – when you’ve worn the shoes, chances are good you won’t judge because you well know that these are shoes none of us want to wear.

Portrait of a Well-Behaved Child

 

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I’ll give you a hint – this is NOT it – though a stellar example of sassitude at 8 years of age.

What does your list of qualities for a well-behaved child look like?

Does she sit in perfect silence at the dinner table, never clanking a fork on a dish?

Does he share with his friends every single time without being asked?

Do they pick up their floor and brush their teeth and put away dishes while simultaneously doing your taxes? (Hey – a girl can dream)

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This is more like it – tea time with Anne of Green Gables on? Much better.

Seriously? Does any child do these any of things every time without a good attitude and without fail? None that I know do. For that matter I don’t know any adults who do, or would even try. We’re human and our emotions are what make things spark!

Maybe we need to redefine what a well-behaved child looks like.

Were you well-behaved? Be honest now.

I’d say most of us were a mix, right? 50/50? 60/40? 70/30?

There’s no judgement here. I did my share of both behaving and trouble-making.

If you think back, you can probably recall some of your better moments: Sticking up for a kid who was being picked on at school. Helping a friend who’d been hurt. Listening to your mom and standing quietly in line for 2.5 hours to see the Ramses II exhibit after you’d driven 2 hours just to get there. (No, really, that actually happened. My feet hurt. I was starving. But I was a princess – because this was seriously the coolest thing ever. The ride home is another story entirely.)

But then there were THOSE days. You know the ones.

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Sometimes silliness abounds

The day you climbed up on the kitchen counter because mom was busy, and you found a bottle in the cabinet with apples on the label – you couldn’t read, you were dying of thirst and with an apple on the label it had to be juice, right?

Or… you know… it was vinegar. And it was 1982, so that bottle was made of glass and shattered most spectacularly when you dropped it to the floor while spitting out the vinegar you’d just chugged down with gusto. You were screaming at the top of your lungs, and suddenly mommy wasn’t so busy any more. (Yet again, true story)

You get the idea. The lists are long, filled with both stellar moments and misadventures.

My question is this – why do we expect something out of our children that we weren’t able to manage? How are they supposed to be free-willed, independent, thoughtful and creative, while also following every rule, never being a ‘problem’ and being on green,purple, pink or wahtever-freaking-color-is-better-than-average this week?

Here’s the deal. We have perfectly flawed kiddos who love hard and play hard with their  perfectly flawed parents.

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Sometimes they’re stellar and sometimes they disobey hard. My oldest cracked out her first curse word at school in K-4. “Put down my damn puzzle!” she cried as the teacher tried not to laugh. I call that an accomplishment – of sorts. And yes, I completely own where she learned that one.

Some days we have boundless patience that amazes even us. Some days we yell. I’m not particularly proud of those days, but they happen. The good in them is that my kiddos get to see what a sincere apology looks like, and that it’s more easily done than they think.

I’m editing this after a phone call in which I listened to one of the best dads I know ask his kid 3 times not to put a block of cheese on the floor. Then kindly ask them not to put the smaller pieces on the floor either. Then calmly advise them that they were welcome to eat it off the floor, however they may wind up with things in their mouth that aren’t cheese. To which his oldest replied, “I got hair.”

This man has more patience as a parent than almost anyone I know – and it’s these moments of head-shaking and laughter that are, in my opinion, the best.

There’s no magic trick. There’s no perfect mommy/daddy/caretaker/custodian/etc. Every parent I know, even the ones who have kids I’d call ‘well-behaved’ , struggles. Why? Because people. That’s why. Little people, big people…people.

So read the tips and tricks – the ‘Asked and Answered’ one works wonders with mine – mostly. Sometimes time-out and losing the xBox is required. Never stop striving. Just don’t kick yourself (or your kids for crying out loud) in the process. No matter how much you might feel you both deserve it. Take a time out and give you both a cookie and breather instead. Then start again.

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And remember that no matter what you do – your kid will have a list of things they’d rather not repeat when they’re parents…. Just like you do. If we’ve done it well, maybe we can compare lists down the road as we send their kids back from Grandma’s house with a mouth full of chocolate and dirt in their hair.

A blog… again?

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Springtime – and we begin again.

I’ve been here before. More than once. I had a general journal-type blog. I had a knitting blog. I even tried to have a blog on fingernail polish (no lie! I have proof )

But that was all long before 2015 happened. It was seriously one hell of a year. To the point that a friend and I kept saying to one another “2015 and everything after.” The idea was just to get through it. And I did. We all did.

I’ve spent a good deal of the past year reading books, articles and posts on so many things – but there’s a theme – “How to get through divorce without turning your children into insecure, angry brats”, “How to survive the onslaught of blame and hatred from your spouse after you leave”, “What to do if you’re not sure leaving was the right decision”, “How to stop yelling at your children”…. you get the idea.

Somewhere in the past few months as this new year has begun, I have found that I’m writing as much as I’m reading – and it’s time to share.

So look forward to thoughts, opinions and etc on daily life, separation and divorce, child-rearing, work-from-home mommying, possibly cooking and crafting, as well as whatever other nonsense I can find to throw in the pot!

I’m more aware now than ever that we all have our journey, experience, advice and admonishments – these are just mine 🙂

Welcome to the rollercoaster!